Jessie

My father is the most loyal man any woman could wish for, not because he hasn't got himself any girlfriend since my mother passed away, but because he didnt want to start a relationship if he wasn't ready to commit to it.

That's why I sincerely respeact my father, thats why I have always wanted to be with a person who is like my father, but i doubt that can every happen.

"How's Rachel?" My father asked, I smiled at the tbought of my crazy friend. I was in my father's house now. He lived alone after I moved out, so I visited him every now and then so that he doesn't feel alone by himself.

"She's good" I replied, me and my father were currently sitting on the couch watching TV. Well actually my father was watching BBC NEWS. And me? I was sitting beside him with a bored expression on my face.

"And Emma?" He said, still staring at the television screen.

"She's good too" I said " Her mother has a new boyfriend now, it turned out he's an okay guy"

"Great, I'm happy for her" my father mumbled, I wondered if he even understands what I'm telling him " let's just turn off the television and talk, we haven't had those old deep conversatins we used to have since the last time you paid me a visit"

I eagerly nodded my head, amd went to the kitchen to bring some fruits to eat while talking.

"Dad" I said, after sitting down beside him " Don't you think it's time for you to have a girlfriend too? Maybe even a wife?"

My father stopped peeling the orange in his hands, and sighed. He stared at the orange in his which was half-peeled for a while, he looked deep in thought, then continued peeling the orange.

"We already talked about this subject" he mumbled, I rolled my eyes at his response. For starters, we only talked about this subject once, and my father is not that old, he is ony forty seven. I think it's the perfect time for marriage, or relationships. Besides, I'm worried about him, I have my own plans, and I think my father needs to have someone by his side when I'm too busy  trying to achieve my own goals.

"I know dad" I say "But, you need to have someone by your side when I'm not around"

"Jessie. I don't need anyone, I'm alright with the way I live, I have a job, I can pay my own bills" my father continued " As long as I see my daughter live happily, I'm happy too. That's all I'm asking for"

"If it's about my mom-"

"It has nothing to do with your mother" my father interrupts me a little bit harshly "I feel comfortable living alone Jessie. I need to see you achieve your goals, get a boyfriend, get married, have kids and be successful, instead of caring about my own love life. I live for you Jessie"

I frown at his last words, unable to understand what he means, sometimes I just can't understand why my father prefers not to have love.

So unlike me.

But then he may have other things in mind. So far I think my mother's memories still haunt him, he's certainly thinking about her, that's the only reason for not being able to even stare at other women.

"I don't want you to sacrifice your own life for me dad" I mutter, staring at my father with tears in my eyes. My father sighs and then pulls me gently into a hug.

" I don't call it sacrifice, it's what every man should be doing for their daughter and family, besides my romantic life has nothing to do with you" my father said, I smiled at his stubbornness and kindness and rested my head comfortably on his shoulder.

"Thanks dad" I said. Still smiling like an idiot. I close my eyes while resting my head on his shoulder, feeling grateful just this once that I at least have my father and friends.

"You're welcome, my little princess" dad said. He was patting my back gently, while holding me in his arms.

I can still remember my mother's face, the way she laughed, and I can remember my parents reading stories for me before going to bed when I was just a kid.

When my mother died, my father never stopped reading me books, he bough me toys and my favorite dolls, he fed me, and he was there for me in every way possible, so I never felt like a child who had lost her mother.

Well... There were times when I was reminded of my mother's absence. I mean at least I thought I don't feel my mother's absence, but our relatives and neighbors kept asking me about my mother, so I kept remembering that I don't have a mother, and my friends are living happily with both their parents, and not just with their father.

But still, I was happy with my father, we were both living happily together.

Unlike other men who hid their dead wife's pictures or basically destroy every bit of memory of their wife, my father did the exact opposite.

My mother's portraits and photographs were still in their exact position, he was even wearing a necklace with my mother's picture in it.

He said he liked to remember her.

So cute,isn't it?

Yes, cute. But also creepy and sad. He needs to forget. And learn to love again.

Like me. I keep falling in love, no matter how much I know I hurts, that's both good and bad. But at least I know I can still love. Loving is in my blood.

I can totally understand what my father is thinking about, and why he's doing what he's doing. He's loyal,yeah. But he needs to forget too.

After all, all of the human's characteristics, including forgetting, they all have their own reason for existing.

Let's not call it forgetting, let's call it being able to love again, or giving ourselves permission to love again.

"What are you thinking of, my little princess?" I heard my father ask,  I had nearly forgotten that I was still in my father's arms, daydreaming about love, and my father's love life.

"I was thinking about love" I answered truthfully, my dad chuckled "I hope I can find someone like you,dad"

My father sighed, his hold of me loosened which made me furrow my brows and tighten my hold of him.

"I hope you can find someone who deserved you my princess" dad said " I will pray for you to  find the best guy in the United States of America"

I giggled and hugged my father tighter, if that was even possible.

"I hope, dad" I said.

"But you have to let me meet him, I don't want my daughter to date bastards" dad said.

"You and your protectiveness, jeez" I say and roll my eyes.

"Remember that princesses only married princes  in the fairytales I use to read for you when you were little" Dad said.

"Dad, I'm not little anymore, I'm twenty two for gods sake! " I complain.

"Oh sweetheart, trust me, no matter how old you become, or how tall you're gonna be, I'll still see you as my little princess, wearing that pink little dress your mother bought you"

"I remember"

After talking a bit more with my dad, I decided to stay the night over. In my old room. My father was super happy, so I called Rachel and let her know that I won't be back tonight.

I spent the rest of the night in a house which held so many memories of my childhood, and the times I was at high school.

On my way to my old room, my eyes caught a glimpse of one of my mother's pictures on the wall. I slowly walked towards it, and wondered why I haven't noticed this one before.

My mother was smiling warmly at the camera, she looked very young and happy, she had the same green eyes as me and she had the most beautiful smile ever.

I smiled while staring at my mother's photograph, thinking ; this picture might be from the time when my parents were still dating. But soon my smile dropped, and I bit my lower lip.

I couldn't help but wonder why dad rarely speaks about my mother.

When he does, his expression is sad, and he quickly changed the subject. 
Not just tonight, or the recent months, but these entire years which I lived alone with him, he hardly spoke any word about my mother without being asked to.