But I’m not any other people, Lucas! She screamed inside her mind as she clenched her hands tightly onto the steering wheel. She could feel the nerves of her body exploding. Why should I waste my life with you, Lucas! I’m not going to let you ruin me anymore. No! You think I am going to give up on that easy? I swear Lucas! You will end up in my arms! 

Hot tears fell down her cheeks as she pressed the gas pedal harder until the mansion disappeared behind her back.

She reached the city absent-mindedly and walked inside a pub. She slid into a stool on the bar and asked for scotch on the rocks. She wanted to get drunk. After all these years she was still a “nobody” to Lucas, and she had enough of his rejection.

The bartender pushed the glass across the shiny wood and she caught it expertly with her fingers. She grimaced as she took a sip of the strong bitter liquid, cursing it under her breath as it scorched the linings of her throat. But the feeling satiated the bitterness in her heart as she drowned her pains by it.

Her thoughts drifted back to the first time they kissed when both of them were 14 years old. It was the night after the harvest party when Lucas told her that she was beautiful. The moon was bright and she could still picture out how handsome he was, how his eyes glistened looking at her as if she was the most beautiful girl in the world. She remembered all that. She remembered the night of her prom when he walked her to the ballroom and how they sneak a kiss afterwards on the way home. But then Andrea came. A tear fell down her cheeks as she counted the memories.

“Hola, linda! May I have the pleasure to join you for a drink?” a deep voice of a man cut through her reverie.

She wiped her teary eyes with one finger as she mumbled through the glass,  “Sit.”

The guy order two rounds of scotch as he sat beside her. “Won’t you care to see who’s here? Paloma Mendez?” the guy asked.

Intrigued, Paloma half- turned and her eyes caught a familiar face. Her eyes widened and a quick excitement replaced her distress.

“Hey, Andrew! What the bloody hell are you doing here!” she flung her arms around Andrew’s neck as she gave him a smack on the face but the latter was quick to meet her lips instead, and at that instant they kissed. Their lips and tongue entwined in a playful exchange, carelessly, before Andrew broke the kiss.

“I’m on a business trip. We are branching out a restaurant down here. So how are you?” Andrew smirked.

“Really? Wow, look at you! Unbelievable! Bloody hell! You really went for it, huh?”

Andrew straightened on his seat, as the bartender passed the drinks and gave one to Paloma. “Well. I found a partner and we kinda compliment each other. He's a chef, I'm an accountant. It works. We have three branches in America already in just 2 years, and I’m bringing one home, baby.”  

Paloma giggled as she gulped the last shot of her scotch.

“So, how long are you staying here? Are you going back to London soon?” Andrew eyed her coquettishly as she toyed the next glass.

“I’m not sure yet.” Paloma returned his coquettish gaze. Andrew had always been so enticingly good-looking. They had a fling thing going on since college and dated on and off for 8 months. But Andrew and his family decided to migrate to US. Although they’ve been communicating since, and Andrew been visiting her every now and then, they were not able to conclude their relationship. They liked each other but Paloma never wanted a label between them.

“Should we go somewhere quiet and comfortable?” Andrew whispered teasingly to her ear.

“Do you think it’s a good idea?” She teased back. At the back of her mind, she wanted to drown Lucas out of her thoughts. She just wanted to forget him. And only Andrew knew how to do it.

*****

Isra informed Lucas early that morning that she's calling the day off to resume the filming. She was supposed to visit the bodega with him for wine tasting, and although she was looking forward to explore the 15 different wine variety they have, and indulge in the $550 thousand dollars luxury wine, the thought of seeing Lucas after what happened yesterday was drawing her back.

It was still 7 am. She glanced at the clock on her bedside table as she stepped into a white A-line Maxi dress with scooped neckline and cropped sleeves. The Mediterranean sun was already glimmering through the glass windows of the condotel. She had a long day ahead to unwind her thoughts. She had everything planned, but this sudden infatuation for Lucas changed her schedule. The last two days of amorous encounter with him was distracting. She needed a break. The guy surprisingly knew the secret passage to her heart. She started falling in love. The type of love that was different from the love she thought she felt and knew in the past. Two men had loved her and she felt love for them too until they weren’t right anymore.

Her first relationship with Thomas Kincaid; her therapist, felt as if it was only skin deep despite him being a romantic guy. The type of romantic who surprises with flowers and gifts every day. At the first few weeks of the relationship, she felt pampered but she got fed up with it overtime. He was too soft, yet she was scared of him. Maybe because he knew her demons, he knew her weaknesses, and she felt as if he was using it to his advantage. She broke off the engagement just weeks after they started planning for their wedding.

Then there was Eammon Dunne. A very attractive pilot-turned actor whom she had a 2-year long relationship. She really thought he was the one then. He made her comfortable with him and he even moved to live close to her place so they can see each other often. But after they got engaged, Eammon became sexually aggressive that she could see the ghosts that were haunting her in his eyes. She remembered how hurt Eammon was when she pushed him away, and called off the engagement. She ran away from him and it took five months until Eammon got hold of her. They tried to reconcile but to no avail. They tried dating for six months and Eammon did his best to win her back. But she just couldn’t rewind everything back to where it was before because every time she looked into Eammon’s eyes, she only saw the ghost. So Eammon gave up. She knew how much she hurt him. She hurt Tom too. And she was afraid that the same thing could happen to Lucas. He just came out from a divorce. He was still hurting when he spoke about it yesterday. He needed someone who can give him the love he deserves. He was kind. He was immaculate. And no, she will not allow herself to hurt him. She will not cave in to the temptation and let the demon break his heart.

****

Lucas’ energy dropped the moment he got a message from Isra rescheduling their visit to the bodega. Yesterday was a moment of euphoria; when they were at his retreat house, when they were almost skin-close that he can feel her every breath, when she almost opened her soul to him, when they almost kissed.

They spent the whole afternoon watching the sunset on the patio over a bottle of Malaga wine. She looked splendid with her hair pulled into a bun with huge hoop earrings dangling down her neck, in a black A- line maxi dress that accentuates her small waist and wide hips, as they squatted on the floor. She was not talking much after he inquired about her past but she was a good listener. She listened to him intently with dazzled eyes as her face flushed from the alcohol they consumed. The burden in his chest that he kept secret for long had been emptied. Her eyes told him she wasn’t prejudice, that she understood what he felt, that he was right. She held his hand all the time and caressed his palms with her thumb. Her eyes held him and it never left until every atom of sadness in his heart disappeared. And when she felt that he freed himself from the hurt, she smiled. Her lips were enticing, pulling him to kiss it. He was only an inch away but she blocked his lips with her finger telling him, “No, Lucas. Don’t give in. I am just a troubled soul.”

 “As I am, Isra. But you are like a therapy. My therapy. The day I met you was as if I knew you for so long. I don’t know if soulmates are real but that’s how I felt about you. Since the day we met, there was never a second that I don’t think of you. And thinking of you makes me happy. I don't know why. And I don't know about your past, but I wan't to explore life with you.”

 Isra looked away and let go of his hand. She stood up. “We are 10 years apart, Lucas. Please, don’t...You probably have gerontophilia." She sighed.

 Lucas walked up to Isra and held her both shoulders in his hands. “What?" He chuckled. "I don't know why numbers matter to you. I even look older than you when we walk together. 10 years is not like 30 years? And so what if it was? You look younger than any 30 years olds. Or is it because you think I’m just a boy? But let me tell you something, I am capable of loving. I know that about myself.”

“I know that, Lucas. I know you can. But… I am not sure if I can. This is just… let’s not do this please.  I have a job to finish Lucas. I am here to do just that. I didn’t expect to come here to engage in a romantic rendezvous with anyone, younger or older.” She sighed.

"I understand what you are feeling. You're still in grief state because of the divorce." she said after a second of silence.

Lucas moved his body so he could face her and look into her. "I know better what I feel and this is not out of grief. I am in- love with you. I know, you think this is too soon. Maybe too unconventional for you. But this is how I felt. I'm just being blunt about it."

“Let’s just go home.” Isra said as she released herself from his gasp. “I think that wine makes you naive or even horny."