The next day I received the job offer from Mr. Wilson’s assistant. It was exactly as he told me. I waited for two hours before accepting the offer and sending all the needed information by email. I even started singing while writing the answer. Damn, how happy I was!

My suitcase was packed and was waiting in the corner of my room. Chase will be working, but Jenny said she would be able to drive me to the airport. These two persons were my harbor in this big city. They were giving me their love and support without me, even asking for it.

My parents were incredibly happy to hear about my unexpected vacation. Mom was ecstatic; she started planning what we would be doing and which places we would visit. I laughed at her enthusiasm. She was like that all the time. Dad was calm as always, but even he sounded very cheerful. He said he would meet me at the airport, and so this way, we will have the time to talk a little without mom’s intervention.

Okay, now I need to make a call. Lily called me earlier, but I was in the bathroom and didn’t hear it. I hesitated before calling her. I was sure that Kate already told her about our conversation. My only hope was that Lily will be open-minded as always and will understand the reasons for my anger.

“Becca! Finally! I was afraid you wouldn’t want to talk to me after your lovely talk with Kate.”

“Lil, you know me. She is always like that, but I guess this stress under which I was for the past month, made me very impatient and impulsive.”

“I know, hon. How are you?”

“Well... I got a job!”

“Oh my God! I am so happy for you! What kind of a job?”

“I will be working for a very successful guy; his name is Justin Wilson. I could learn a lot from him.”

“You know, it’s a concise description of your work. But I am a patient person, I will wait for you to come here and you will spill your beans for me. Deal?”

“As if I will have a choice.” We both laughed. “And moreover, he is now absent in the USA. That’s why he expects me to start working in a month. So... I will stay in my hometown for three weeks. I missed mom and dad too much. These weeks sound like Christmas gift.”

“Damn! If only I won’t be needed to go on honeymoon with John, I would have loved to spend more time with you.”

“Lil, Hawaii is waiting for you and your future husband. You could always visit me in New York. Well, as soon as I will find my own place to stay.”

“I love the sound of this proposal.”

“How are the preparations? How are you feeling before your big day?”

“Everything is good—more than good, perfect. John is very supportive, and he is ready to do everything for me. All I need to do is just ask.”

“Perfect gentleman! I forgot to ask you. Were you able to find the dress of your dreams? I remember that you were very stressed about it a few months ago.”

“Yes, yes, a thousand times - yes! It looks exactly as I was dreaming. Every line, every stitch, and even material! All thanks to Logan!” Why had I needed to ask her about the dress?

“I can’t wait to see you in it. The photos were amazing, but I am a hundred percent sure that you will look way better than that model.”

“I hope so. It’s a funny story, actually. When Logan asked his agent to find who did this dress in the first place, they were able to find only this girl from the advertisement. Logan contacted her himself, and of course, she immediately recognized who was calling her.” I rolled my eyes. Jones’s family was proud of Logan and his success. Lily could talk almost non-stop about her brother’s career and his results. He was a freaking celebrity with a tremendous amount of money on his bank account and fucking mansion in Philly. And let’s not forget about his cars - Maybach, Lamborghini, and Porshe. Goddamn it! “... Teresa helped him, but in return, she asked for one date. And... Now my brother is dating this girl! They look perfect together, and she’s so lovely! I was stunned when I met her for the first time! I thought she was a bitch with an enormous ego, but she’s amazing! They are together for four months already!”

“Must be a record for your brother.”

“Becca, it wasn’t nice. You could do better.” I sighed. It was always like that. As soon as our conversations were turning in this direction, I was acting very bitchy. It was stupid and childish, but I couldn’t change it.

“Sorry. You’re right. Listen, Lily. I need to go out. I have some errands to run before my flight tomorrow. See you on Thursday.”

“Okay. I will be waiting for you. You will come after lunch?”

“Yeah, near 2. I forgot to book a hotel, but I will do it right now.”

“You’re joking?”

“Erm... No.”

“You will stay in my house, or at Kate and Tim’s place. We could discuss it when you will be there. Don’t you ever think about booking a hotel room! You hear me?”

“I don’t want to bother your parents. And I am not so sure that I want to live in one house with Kate.”

“I don’t want to hear it. When you are there, we will talk. The end of the discussion. Bye, Becca. Have a nice flight!”

And she ended the call. Fucking perfect! I had no desire to stay in her parents’ house. It was always bringing too much of memories and reminders of emotions I felt. I was happy in this house, and I was sad and heartbroken. I was miserable. I had nightmares when I stayed there the last time. Lily even came to my room in the middle of the night, because I was crying in my sleep. She stayed with me until the morning came and was staying with me whenever I was visiting. Yeah, the last time when I was in her hometown was four years ago at Tim and Kate’s wedding. So maybe, I will be okay now because I wasn’t planning to stay at Tim’s house. Not after my argument with Kate.

I was sitting on my bed for an hour. I was trying to think, so I put my favorite music on and now was listening to “Eyes closed” by Halsey. I needed a plan. Absentmindedly I was stroking my left wrist with my tattoo on it. It was a tattoo of a little bird with stars, a little swallow to be exact. I hadn’t had my necklace anymore, which Chase gave me when I was going back to college in my first year. Someone tore it off from my neck and threw it to the lake. I did this tattoo a year ago, in memory of my necklace and all good memories that were connected to it. This swallow was a symbol of freedom for me, a symbol of travel. But at the same time, it also meant family, a home, place where you belong.

Okay, my train of thoughts did this turn again. I hated myself at times like this because it meant that I lost control again. That I wasn’t shutting my past, giving it the opening to my heart and my soul. I know that it wasn’t just about the necklace. It was about me and my memories. About emotions, I felt and was afraid to remember them again.

I always was strong. My high school boyfriend cheating on me didn’t break me. The swings of my relationship with Drew and our breakup didn’t break me too. But the realization that Logan and I couldn’t be friends anymore did that. It was hard for me to accept it. I was depressed and overwhelmed with sadness. This feeling lasted much longer than I thought it would. And to add to that, that it was the time when I moved to Miami and was starting my life there alone. I was a wreck. The heck I know now, how I was able to cope with that, and even made friends.

Chase was pointing to the obvious. I had cared about Logan’s whereabouts. I read all the news about his career and his team. Weekly I was checking the news about Logan’s social life. That’s how I had known about his cars, his house, and his salary. And of course, I saw every model whose name was connected to him - was he seen with them on dates, at social events, or when they went to cheer for him at his games.

I guess it was all because I hadn’t had my closure with him. He just ruined our friendship four years ago, not giving me even the faintest idea, why he acted like that. I wasn’t the type to be begging or humiliating myself, but I was sending him messages almost daily at first, then it was a few times in a month. I was doing it for nearly six months until I stopped. Why continue if he hasn’t sent me anything in return. I wanted to know the reasons. I felt that he owes me that. He didn’t think the same. I even believe that he has forgotten about me. I wasn’t existing for Logan, and this realization was very hard on me. He was the reason why I was so afraid to come to this wedding. Not Drew.

With Drew, I had this talk. I even spent the night with him after Tim and Kate’s wedding. We both needed it to be able to move forward with our lives. There wasn’t any hatred between us, just emptiness. But at least, we talked things through and were able to close the book of us being together. Yes, I would have liked not to see him, but it was inevitable. I was nervous, but I knew what to wait from this meeting.

With Logan, it was a whole different story. And I wasn’t sure that I had this in my gut to be able to act unaffected and ignorant. He was too important for me in the past. He was holding the big part of my life in his hands. He was the only person in this world who knew everything about me—my deepest desires and fears. Even Chase didn’t know the half of it.

I needed a plan—the plan of how I was going to survive at this wedding.